Becoming a parent for the first time can feel so all consuming can’t it? I often get queries from exhausted parents who feel like their 3 month old baby is constantly needing to be carried for comfort or to sleep. They are worried that they are creating the wrong habits early on, or that this phase will go on forever. I’d like to reassure you that this is completely normal and you are not alone, particularly in relation to your little one only wanting to sleep in your arms! I have so many clients with babies of a similar age that are going through exactly the same thing.

Help your baby to build up positive associations with their cot

Babies are essentially “carry” mammals and being close to their caregivers during those early months is essential for survival. This phase is often called the fourth trimester as your baby is still very young and craving being close to you. Imagine yourself as their external womb. Unlike you, their cot is cold, still and unfamiliar. My suggestion would be to begin by spending some time acclimatising them to it during their awake “window”. You might like to practice gently lowering them in. Once there, you could sing, smile at your baby and play with them so that they build up positive associations with the cot.

Feed your little one before a nap and try tummy time

It is always useful to rule out any underlying feeding problems that might make it uncomfortable for baby to be lying down. Lots of babies suffer from reflux when laid on their backs and are unable to adjust to make themselves comfortable. To counteract this, I recommend feeding before you intend to put your baby down for a sleep as well as introducing tummy time. The tummy time method by Michelle Emmanuelle is a great resource: https://www.tummytimemethod.com/tummytimetrade-method.html

Don’t panic, there is still plenty of time to set up good sleep foundations

Most importantly, don’t worry at this age about trying to enforce independent sleep – the most important thing is you help your baby to co-regulate their stress thermostat and this is done by being responsive to their needs. Ideally in the first three months of life use touch, movement and sucking to help comfort your baby and to satisfy their neonatal reflexes which will enable them to fall asleep.  If you would like more support during this precious newborn phase, have a read of my blog post which shares even more tips, including ten tips to help you survive the fourth trimester.

Drop into my Instagram Sleep Clinic and pose your burning sleep questions.

Did you know that I offer a baby sleep clinic on Instagram every Wednesday evening?  You can leave your question in the sticker completely anonymously and I will talk through your issue and share some tips.  Or if you would like more in-depth support, feel free to book one of my Question Calls which involves a two-hour telephone consultation and follow up email. About the Author Emma Gawne is a certified Holistic Sleep Coach who supports families across the UK with responsive, relationship-based sleep strategies. She combines evidence-informed practice with deep empathy for the emotional and developmental needs of babies, toddlers, older children and their parents. Learn more about Emma → If you’re looking for gentle sleep support for your infant or child, take a look at my packages and services.